dammit sia..how come like tat..how come i like that..zz..
feel bad..
this is so wat will happen if i have alot of time to think..
zzz...hais...
im a very poor guy..
i have some stupid illness..
i am a bad friend..
argh..i wanna go overseas..and dun wanna come back..
dunno wat to say la..
just feel like..
im such a loser..
yea good word to use.. loser..

friends give things to me unconditionally..
but i dun give back..
isnt that being a bad friend? :(
i always talk about my problem..
but i dun listen to others...
isnt that being a selfish jerk? :(
keep wanting stuff that i cant afford..
isnt that being materialistic? :(
talks bad about myself constantly..
isnt that self-hating? :(

there are so many unanswered whys in the world..
why this why that..
and most of the people answer to these whys is that they..
don't know..
and they never bother to go find out..
im this type of person..
ill just say.. nvm forget it..
isnt that running away from the problem?
doesnt that make me a coward?chicken?watever u call it..
i realise that i dun face problems face to face..
i expect a miracle and it'll be solved magically..
but it isn't..
im really kinda done not making an effort..
not speaking up but waiting for stuff to happen..
i wanna make a change..
but this thing just keeps pulling me back..
its a very obvious thing if u know me well enough..
hais..i really wanna change...