If you know me..u shld know..
i was never this depressed..never..
dam this shit..
ive tried. failed. tried again. failed again.
hais..
Lifes A Bitch..
really. who doesnt think so.
What i do know is that i rant ALOT..
im getting bothersome..
irritating, maybe not to u all but to myself..
im getting more angry by day..
more frustrated by the second..
why must life be like tat i ask myself..
is this punishment just because eve ate the apple from the tree?
and all of us have to bear the consequences with her?
im not blaming God for putting me in such weird state cuz i know tat he has a plan for all of us..
A plan that you won't know..
I thought God planned for me to go Business course in poly but my results showed otherwise..
Then i tried praying again..I felt that i should try for JC then..but i can't even fill in a JC in my form..
Now, i got 2 emails from TP and SP each..
asking me to attend a audition next week..
I really don't get it..is this all planned?im extremely confused right now..
sometimes i just dun know whats wrong with me...
getting shit from myself daily..
there seems to be several diff me..
all thinking about diff stuff..
happy,sad,angry,worry,courage
my brain is about to explode cuz of these different thoughts..
im getting frequent asthma cuz of this..
frequent hypothesis..
frequent chest compression..
i dun wanto die slowly and painfully...
i wanna die sharp, quick and fast.u know like falling from the 15th floor..or car crash..a bullet thru my sun pulse..yea..
those ppl tat read my blog..
i know your getting tired of rants..
i am too..
but nothings going my way..
never did, never will be..
and everytime ill think tat ok i can manage the next obstacle.
but no. it'll hit me as hard as a bulldozer..stunned and shocked of the problem..
and ill irritate my friends, mainly 2, to help me..where i know they get irritated so in the end i just give up..
like Lynn quoted..from some weird book..

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, "The influences of one's teens are very important."

who is there to influence me?who are there?
my family..?no..
my friends..?how can the same age influence each other?
my colleagues..?bad influence..
wat am i suppose to do?
im praying as hard as i can already for an answer..but theres none..
my faith and hope is just like a candle..
its burning away..
im getting tired..
and finally..its going to die..
and thats when im screwed for life..
drug addict?thief?burglar?
What. Am. I. Suppose. To. Do.

"Stop trying.Stop lying.You know you can't do it, so give up, give up and let yourself loose."